Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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