I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
