Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Blood and glitter go together right?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
