Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
