this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
