i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize