Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
