If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
