My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
