I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
