Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
