You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
