Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
