Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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