you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
