I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
