fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
