Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
