it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
