Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
