It's like God shit irony all over that family
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
