Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
