I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
