my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
