btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
