Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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