just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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