We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
