I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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