So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
