problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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