soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
