I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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