i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
