I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
