Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
