She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
