Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
