I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
