You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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