No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They took my balls.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
