dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
