We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
