Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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