Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
