Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
