I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
