Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
