I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
