I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
